Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
