Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
