He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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