I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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