Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
