No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
