I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
