Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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