I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
