i permit you to call me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
