well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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