and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
