theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
