This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
