I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
