Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
