Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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