just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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