im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
