if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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