so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
