Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm passing your future prison.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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