If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
