He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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