I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
