I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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