I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Drake has all the answers
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
