it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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