found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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