i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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