You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
