I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
pray to the hookup gods
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
