You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and she was petting her beer can
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
