my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
