I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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