he told me I talked like a deaf person
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
