Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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