I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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