We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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