sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
