I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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