this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
