One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
