he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
