just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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