I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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