I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
