enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Omg I joined a choir last night...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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