Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
