were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
