I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
