Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
