that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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