We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
