I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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