You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
