Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
