Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
