sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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