Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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