If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
